All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
