I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
