Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
