You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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