I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
