is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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