Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
