I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
