if you like me you must not know who I am
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
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How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
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She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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