He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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