Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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