listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
