onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
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You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
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getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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