I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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