I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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