I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Someone signed my nipple.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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