'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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