just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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