I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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