I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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