We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
