i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
