She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
