I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
