I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
