My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
