life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
