Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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