And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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