im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you will always have a special place in my vag
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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