just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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