She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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