I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize