I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
