wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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