I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
