I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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