dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
