I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
