I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she smelled like a LAN party
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
