Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
