Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Found your dick twin last night
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
