I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
