i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
