The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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