distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
