Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Houston, we have a blender
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
