Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
