I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
