I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
