Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
