I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I did not marry a roomba.
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