PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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