Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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