Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
