This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
