I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
