hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
