State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
