Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
