I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
