he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
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I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
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My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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